I’ve been in a funk for the last week or so. Something has just been unsettled in my soul, and I hadn’t been able to identify it. Until today. I had anticipated heavy involvement in my kids’ schools this year, but it hasn’t turned out that way and they are doing just fine without me underfoot every day. My younger two, who attend a “university format” school, go to classes Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and are home doing lessons with me on Tuesday- Thursday. Next year, we just learned, the school will change to a traditional 5 day a week format. So, after 15 years of being a stay at home mom, I will have no one to stay at home with. With only four years until we begin footing college tuition bills, an income-producing opportunity would certainly be a prudent use of that time. However, as is true for many of us, the jobs for which my college degrees prepared me are not necessarily the ones I desire at this stage of my life. So, I’ve been in this funk – the what do I want to do with the rest of my life blues.
The one thing that excites me regularly is writing this blog; it has filled a part of my soul that I didn’t know was empty. Putting thoughts into words and creating beautiful spaces has stirred up a surprisingly intense passion. I have always enjoyed being around creative people but never considered myself to be one of them. Recently reading The Creative Call, I sensed God telling me that He sees me as a writer. Me? A writer? With no journalism or English degree? And writers fall into that “starving artist” category – not exactly a lucrative career to pave the way for three kids in college!
When I started writing this blog it was, in my mind, to journal our family’s transition into middle and high school. However, God had other plans for it, which I am just beginning to discover. Since its inception, He has been telling me, “One step at a time; I’m only giving you one step. When you follow that one, you get the next one.” Me, the planner, the map -my- life- out- for- the- next- six- years person. It’s making me crazy. It’s making me nervous. It’s making me rely on my daily prayer time to be sure I get that next step.
Oh, me of little faith. It only takes a day or two of silence for me to doubt what I’ve heard. So, this morning, I got up and prayed. “I don’t see how you’re going to use this blog to make me a writer,” I told Him. Slightly disgusted with the lack of an answer to my prayer, I decided to check my e-mail. There, in my inbox, was an invitation to post one of my articles in an online women’s magazine and possibly to write several more articles for them in the future. Sheepishly, I confessed that once again, I was running ahead of God. Oh, me of little faith. He who can make an oak tree from an acorn can surely make a writer out of me.
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